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October 10 MovedAfter much thought, I have decided to move my blog. Why? Mostly because I think the msn Live site is too busy. Plus, I'm too lazy to change the formatting and remove things. I prefer clean slates. They are so... clean. It's fun to dirty them up. Apparently, blogspot doesn't have a function where I can import my old blog posts. There are suggestions of cutting and pasting. This is where I use my favourite Japanese word - mendokusai. That means I can't be bothered. And I can't be bothered. Thus, new posts can be found at http://sharinakagawa.blogspot.com. I still need to think of a purpose for this blog. The old one was about being an expat in Japan. However, seeing as my person has been removed from Japan I can no longer blog about that. Well, I could, but that would be downright LIE! I was going to blog about my repatriating myself but eh, b-o-r-i-n-g. So, I'll think about it some more. I promise to try to be amusing. I think I'm pretty amusing but then again, I am the funniest person in the world - to myself. I'll stop babbling now. Perhaps I will even go and do some work. S. October 05 DescentAs a child I was the fancy girl. Apparently I loved dresses and abhorred getting them dirty. I say apparently because I have no recollection of this.
But then I got older. One day in grade 6 I came home and announced to my parents that “I had joined the basketball team”. Something sparked in my poor, lone man in the house, father’s eyes and poof, we were out on the local court. That day I ran many laps and learned how to play defense. I was not even allowed to touch a ball for weeks. Fundamentals you know. That sealed my fate for the next decade. I was the girl that wore a sports bra every day because they were more comfortable. I suppose the term tom-boy applies here but really, I was just lazy. Perhaps boys in this day and age are bombarded with the ideas of metrosexuality and thus have as much grooming/dressing issues as us girls do, but in my teenage years, dressing like guys was the easier route. About 8 years ago, I got a job at a bag store. The constant bombardment of purses got to me. Sure, I made fun of the ladies whose purses and shoes just “had to match”. You would too if you had heard the words they used. Because the world does hang in the balance if you don’t find an off-white purse to match those off-white pumps that you are lugging around from store to store. Regardless of what I thought of these ladies, I soon found myself with a healthy collection of purses. I figured that was it. Everyone needs a functional bag right? If it just happens to be the cutest thing imaginable is just a bonus. Then I got a job at a jewelry store. I have always worn necklaces but they were a mere after thought. But after 10 months of trying on all the jewelry (especially the ten thousand dollar diamond, whoo baby!) I was converted. Rings and necklaces and bracelets, oh my! I drew the line at earrings. I had to maintain my dignity somehow. Two and half years in a different country can get to you. I arrived in Japan and immediately started in on my favourite sport – Japanese accessories. Jewelry? Strange. Haircuts? Feathered disasters. Shoes and their ability to walk in them? Can I even describe the pigeon toed shuffle in heels that the Japanese women have perfected? However, attitudes can change. Somewhere along the line I developed an obsession with earrings. Big ones. I got a Japanese haircut. But the day I knew I HAD to leave was the one when I started to like the shoes there. So I came home and hoped for normalcy to kick in. But all I can think about is a pair of red patent mary jane pumps at the Bay. Japan may have finally done the impossible and made a girl out of me. Working in the corporate world may do the worst and make me a *insert shudder* fancy girl. S. September 27 Shari's Guide to Repatriating Oneself.Today marks 2 months since I left Japan and about a month and a half back in Japan. I'm starting to notice myself getting back to normal. Thus, some thoughts on the whole I left but now I'm back again and going to moan about it phenomenom.
1. Don't Expect Anyone to Get It.
Don't. They may pretend to get it or they may blatantly change the subject. But unless they have been an ex-pat themselves, no one is going to understand the feelings that you are going through. To them, it is the nice vacation that you were on. Sure, a two and a half year vacation. In their eyes, it is a trip. In yours... most likely it was a life changing experience that has left you much different than you left. At least I hope so. Why else would you live in another country? So suck it up buttercup, and learn to not talk about it so much. Learn to keep those stories inside for you and you alone, because quite frankly, even if they do care, they won't get what you are going on about. You know when friends go on vacation and come back with all these stories that you really couldn't care less about. Well, yours are worse because at least they had the excitement of a new place.
2. Stop Comparing Countries. There Really Isn't A Point.
Canada and Japan are never going to be the same. And I wouldn't want them to be. If they were, it would be like I had moved to the States (gawd forbid!). And really, Canada does not need to be introduced to the kancho. Likewise, the Japanese don't need poutine. Just saying.
3. Stop Idealizing the Other Country.
It's easy to remember everything lovely about the other country. It's easy to think that your life was perfect back there. But seriously, it wasn't all peaches. How about the times when you wanted to shove your pen up the lady at the bank/postoffice/phone company's nose because she made you fill out the form a million times because she didn't like the way you wrote your name. Oh no. All in capitals. Last name first. You forgot your middle names. Or how about the times you seriously wanted to scream because you couldn't stand hearing the words kawai and sugoi one more time. Or how even a trip to the post office could be a huge ordeal. Sure, life was good there but maybe the bad times are just glossed over by the alcohol induced fog you survived in the last few weeks.
4. Stop Staring at the Exchange Students
Yes, you really want to hear Japanese. But being creepy and staring at the exchange students is not helping. First off, they may not be Japanese. Second, you're being creepy. Stop it.
5. Remember All Those Skills You Learned and Put Them To Good Use
Remember learning how to live by yourself and to survive all those quiet times by yourself? Remember going days without speaking to anyone because no one around you spoke English? Remember making your own entertainment? Remember going out and making friends on your own because there was no one else to rely on? Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're not the person who went to Japan, thank gawd. Miss Completely Timid is gone and even she managed to live in a foreign country by herself. Miss New Found Confidence should be able to survive on the island she grew up on.
It's taking time but I'll survive. I always do.
S. September 18 Best FriendsI remember being little and having a best friend. One. That's it. Best Friends Forever and all that gushy girliness. Sure, you had other friends but they floated in planetary orbit around your and your BFF while you worshipped at the altar of the perfect relationship. The best friend could change at any given moment because we were girls and fickle, but the constant of the best friend was always there. I suppose that I carried this image through to my adulthood. We should all have one best friend. Finite.
It's actually a very depressing thought.
In my quasi adulthood (I refuse to consider myself an adult just yet) I just couldn't understand why I could never get that "best friend" quality anymore.
I think perhaps in my old age now I have finally gotten it. The term shouldn't be best friend. It should be best friend for .... And I now realize that I have too many best friends that I just don't know what to do with myself.
How about the best friend for always making you smile over the little things? The one who writes "Hugs" on your "Things I Need List" and makes sure she gives you a big one when you leave.
How about the best friend for taking your intellect seriously and will sit in a pub for hours discussing politics? The one who will send you links to things that he thinks you will enjoy or find interesting?
How about the best friend for just about anything because her personality and likes and dislikes are so close to yours (and birthday is 2 days earlier than yours) that she instinctively knows that when she has an extra hockey ticket that you will be the person sitting next to her?
How about the best friend for taking the time to listen to your fears and the one who threatens to come kick your ass if you wallow in those fears? The one who will act out video games just for your enjoyment?
How about the best friend for talking about boys and all such related things for hours at a time in a giggly tone and making you laugh at the strangeness of the opposite sex?
How about the best friend for letting you bitch across about your job and for making you feel like you aren't suffering alone? The one for keeping you sane for a whole year when the stress was getting to you.
How about the best friend for making you feel special because everytime you see her you get a flying hug?
How about the best friend for making you laugh at the antics of celebrities and friends alike even though you don't indulge normally in gossip?
How about the best friend for matching you drink for drink and letting you crash at her place when you've missed the train again?
How about the best friend for taking the time to talk to you on msn each and every time she logs on, even if it's only for a couple of minutes?
How about the best friend for hanging out with on her suggestion, even when she has to drive 2 hours to do it? And then calls you the minute she gets home. The one who understands your wanderlust because she suffers from the same gypsy tendencies as you do?
How about the best friend for telling you to get your head out of your ass when you are wallowing in self pity and then offers to take you dancing? The one who will answer your sassy black lady comment with one of his own even though neither of you is black and one is male.
How about the best friend for understanding where you are coming from because she comes from the same parents?
Sometimes I need a good kick in the ass. I feel alone when I really should feel blessed. I've been thinking I need a best friend like I did when I was a kid. I'm not a kid. My friendships aren't defined on how well someone plays house. And thank gawd for that, seeing as those dolls with the blinking eyes really creep me out.
S.
September 12 Lacking blog directionIt seems that ever since I have come home, I have nothing to blog about. Nothing amusing has happened to me lately.
I suppose I could blog about work. And how boring it is. And how I will sit and stare and the computer and pretend to move my fingers over the keys. You know. To look like I'm working.
Nah.
I'm thinking of taking a french class, maybe a belly dance class and if I can find one, join a volleyball league. I could blog about those.
We'll see if I actually get around to any of that.
Directionless blog, directionless life. Melancholy night. Shebert time. Woot~!
S. September 06 Happy Birthday To MeTomorrow is my birthday. My 27th birthday. I'm not entirely sure what to make of that. Celebrate or moan about getting older.
It seems so cliched to moan.
When I was younger, I never thought much about my 20's. Never thought about what I would be doing or what I would be like. I hear about classmates from high school who are married, or have kids or are doing crazy things. I'm not jealous (kids... ick), but makes me wonder about the other paths I could have taken.
But regret? Never.
Typically on my birthday I like to make plans. But I have none. I have had vague thoughts running through my head. Go back and become a teacher. Do ESL. Go to Africa. Stay here and do the normal person thing. But nothing is sticking. Guess we'll just have to see.
Happy Birthday me. Another year. Perhaps this one we can do the wiser thing.
S. September 04 Oh my...This morning I woke up in a start. Oh shit. It's 10:32. And I have to work at 11:00 and it's my first day.
But no. I just clearly can't read clocks at that time in the morning.
Work was fine. Basically got shown around the office, filled out some paperwork, etc. Stephen showed me how to do the basic processing. It seems easy enough. Then, after being there two and a half hours, I was sent home. Yeah. Ok. Sure. I'll go shopping instead. Is this how the job is going to be? Cuz I ain't going to complain.
Good start. Good start.
Jason called this afternoon and we took his puppy out for a walk. Bishop was super excited and bounding around. Cute. I hate dogs but I like taking them for walks. Go figure. Or maybe it's just nice to be with a dog that listens when it is told to sit and isn't wearing barretts in it's ears.
Just as we were heading back to my place we came across this nice lady and her old golden retriever. Bishop loves retrievers, so we stopped to say hello. The lady was chatty and Jason has always been chatty, so they ended up talking about the dog and then about the Vogue apartments where Jason lives.
Jason: yeah, that area isn't the greatest.
Lady: I was thinking of buying in that building but I didn't feel safe walking my dog around there. You two are a couple, so you wouldn't have that problem.
Jason and I just smiled at each other. After 15 years of friendship, it is the first time we ever were mistaken for a couple. Maybe it's the ring from Jason's boyfriend that marks their engagement that gave her that idea. Just what I need... a gay boyfriend and a Pomeranian dog.
This is going to ruin my "lone wolf" persona that I got going on. My other gay friend Ben labelled me that.
Lone wolf. Or maybe just hag, seeing as my boys are all gay.
Insert sigh here.
S. August 30 Badda-bing, Badda-bombAnd just like that, I am no longer unemployed or homeless. Not bad for being back in the country for 2 weeks.
Mostly it was Jason. Best friends who are motivated are good things. Even if you don't really want a job they push for you to work at their work.
It's good.
So, starting on Tuesday I will be working at Custom House doing Payments Processing. I will be handling the exotic currency accounts. That means I will not know about the yen or euro but rather the current exchange rate of the Fiji dollar or the Czech crown. I've never in my life particularly wanted to work with money. Guess that's what happens when your mother has worked at credit unions your whole life. The position is only for 6 months but Jason says that they never are... everyone ends up full time. But in 6 months, well... Lindsay might be driving across North America.
Road Trip anyone?
The place I'm taking is tiny. Maybe even smaller than the apartment I lived in Japan. It has a shared bathroom. But... it's 385 dollars a month! 385!! That is ridiculously cheap in Victoria and even cheaper considering it's about 5 minutes from downtown and about 15 from where I'm going to work.
I'm heading down to Vic this weekend for Jason and Stephen's engagement party and to move in. Things are moving fast. Everyone I know seems to be settling into the adult thing. I just want to be a kid. Maybe there is something wrong with me. When I was leaving Japan I had this grand plan of coming home and becoming an adult. But now... it just doesn't seem like that much fun.
Guess I'm never going to be content.
S. August 26 SpinningI feel like I'm spinning. Spinning. In control. Out of control. I'm not sure. But spinning.
Somethings are happening and I feel like I have no control at all. It will all work out in the end, or I will just get used to things. It's funny how life can tilt the axis sometimes.
So instead of thinking about things I can, or perhaps can't control, I figure tonight I will think about things that have been. Things that make me smile. Things about Japan. I'm sure I'm being annoying to my friends talking about Japan and I am trying to limit the amount that I talk about it, but it is all I knew for the last few years. Before I left Japan, Laura asked me what my favourite memory was. How can you classify your absolute favourite when it was a wonderful experience? You don't. But here are somethings that made me smile.
1) Two months in, I asked during the short conversation portion of class to a little girl "what is your favourite animal?" She responded matter-of-factly "I like head." She better not travel abroad if that is going to be her answer to things.
2)The lady at Ito's grocery shop. I've never seen anyone put so much pure joy into a job. She actually seemed to enjoy her job, and loved each and every person who would go through her til. I used to wait in line just so I could go through her til.
3) Me and my friends went to the park. We had a soccer ball. We decided to draw in the white sections, personalizing it. Chris decided to name the people who had Sunday and Mondays off the "Sunday Monday Bonanza Crew". Original I know. But halfway through Sunday he realized he missed the N. And then he proceeded to miss spell Bonanza. So in the end, we were named the Suday Monday Bozana Crew. As we should have been.
4) Nomihodai in Japanese means all you can drink. And we did. Drink. At Yoro's it cost 1100 yen for 2 hours. CHEAP! But the day that Nat and I ordered a second nomihodai, and made all the drinks doubles was the day I saw fear in the poor servers eyes. Another nomihodai. And they are women!
5) Fuji. A wise man climbs it once, a fool climbs it twice. Or how about a person who gets altitude sickness? Not a good idea. It got to the point were standing hurt. So my friends went on and I sank down next to a vending machine. Yes, a vending machine on Fuji. They seriously are EVERYWHERE in Japan. The man from the rest hut came out and asked if I was ok. Seriously, if I was okay would I be next to this vending machine? No, I would be at the top where everyone else is. Then I fell asleep and when I woke, pulling my face off the side of the vending machine, the sun had risen. The sunrise had been the whole reason for climbing at night. But if anyone asks, I did climb Fuji-san.
6) I went to DisneySea 3 times, Disneyland 1 time and Universal Studios Japan 1 time. Yes, 5 times in 2 years. And I don't really like theme parks that much. But the best was at Disneyland where me and Sandy dressed up like pirates and looked scarier in the photo than the pirate between us. Arrrrgh.
7) Soaking naked in a hot spring with strangers? Singing loudly into a mike during karaoke? This is not the me who went to Japan but this is the me who has come home. Growth comes in strange packages.
8) It never failed where we went. The waitress would always speak to me and Laura would always answer. And then the waitress would address the question to me. Because apparently tiny white women are scary.
9) "Kosuke, do you like strawberries?" Blank look. "Kosuke, do you like strawberries?" Blank look. "Kosuke, are you okay?" To which I got the reply "Mama mia!" Apparently I teach Italians.
10) I had to do a demo lesson for the sales staff. Just picture in your mind, Japanese men in business suits, flying around an office like they are airplanes. My job was so fun some days.
There are so many things to look back at and smile. I couldn't posssible write them all. But they will be what gets me through the rough times. I'm so glad I left Japan on a high. You want to remember the good times. And I do. I do.
S. August 22 The First WeekToday marks one week in Canada and about one month since I left Japan. I'm not sure what I think about it all...
I spent the first few days at my friend's house, de-jetlagging and basically being a mooch. It was nice to hang out with them. But I seriously need a job. I'm bored. I've headed to Victoria to look for a job. And my gawd, there are so many jobs down here. You would think we were having a labour shortage here. Oh wait. We are.
I've applied for some government jobs and some adminstrative jobs. I'll apply for more today. I like this new way of applying. You can lie around in your undies and apply for government jobs. Why walk around all dressed up? Why talk to anyone?
The internet rocks.
Today I'm going for lunch with my friend Ben, whom I haven't seen in a long time. And Jason is coming home, so I'll finally get to see him!!! He got engaged this weekend. All my friends are getting engaged. Which is lovely, especially as I like their partners but man, I'm going to end up as that single friend who gets the pity invite to dinner parties if this keeps up. Which I suppose is the point in this post when I'm supposed to moan about not finding anyone, but anyone who knows me, knows I couldn't care less.
I'm curently suffering from stage 5 culture shock, the one where you can't stand things about your own country. Don't get me wrong. I'm loving being back in Canada. I forgot how laidback Victoria is. But seriously, I'm not liking being able to understand every conversation that is going by me. Because, quite frankly, most people are stupid!
I miss Japan and it's over eager service. The quiet of the streets.
Actually, I just miss my job and the fact that it was easy. Stressful, but I knew what to do. Job searching sucks. I miss my friends in Japan but maybe that's because all my friends have jobs. Not around that much.
Oh well, no one said this repatriation thing would be easy. Which reminds me... I should declare residency.
So much to do, so little drive to do it.
S. August 16 Hello CanadaZoom airlines is fantastic. The flight attendants are attentive, not in that Asian, we are gracious to everyone way, but in the Canadian we are real and actually, kind of, maybe, like our jobs. Could be false but hey... I appreciated it. Plus, it was the best strict vegetarian meal I've ever had the privlege of partaking in on an airplane. Just saying. I couldn't sleep much on the plane. I was going home. Plus, I didn't want to miss the food service. Yes, home after a year is special but so is food. Priorities ya know. It was a very groggy Shari that stepped off the plane. I'm sure the people I was walking around thought I was crazy because I just kept staring out the windows with the biggest ass grin on my face and muttering "home, home" to myself. Hell, I am crazy but an excited crazy. Went through customs, grabbed my bag and walked out of YVR. The girls were meeting me. I had already decided to pretend like they were late and not there, as not to disappoint myself if they weren't actually there. Walk out. Scan. Not see anyone. Feel that small sinking feeling that I always feel when I walk out of an airport and there is no one there to meet me, even if no one is supposed to. See here's the thing. I've always wanted to be that person. That enviable person who gets the screech and the running hug from friends or family. That person who's pickup can't wait for them to walk out of the exit area, but instead gets bowled over in the exit area, blocking the area for those trying to discreetly exit. Usually I'm walking behind that person, and even though annoyance at having to go around them usually prevails, I still feel the lingering jealousy. So out I walk. And then I see Tamara. That means they are all there. Alina. Bonnie. Rina. My girls. Round the corner and Tamara and Alina are running into the exit area. And then I got bowled over. I was that person. It's funny how you have to leave the country for 2 and a half years to feel that loved. And it's funny how you have to leave the country for 2 and a half years to remember why you love it so much. Home. Home. S. And so ends the European excursionWritten August 15th.
I am currently sitting in Gatwick airport in England. It is about 3 am and I am smokin' tired, but have no where to go. My flight is in about 6 hours. Maybe I should have not been so cheap and gotten a hotel. Too late. After my horrible day diving, we basically scootered around Santorini, slept and ate Greek salad. Nice end to our week in Greek paradise. Clearly I love having a scooter and being on a small island. Doesn't matter if it's in Thailand or in Greece. Maybe I should get a scooter when I go home, as I will be living on an island as well. There's a thought. That night we took a loooonnnnngggg ferry back to Athens. To get to Santorini we took a fast ferry and it took 4 hours. Back we took the slow one and it took about oh... 14 hours. What a difference 60 euros can make. It was a brutal night, shoved on those seats. The ferry was terribly overloaded and there were people sleeping just about everywhere. Good thing that there wasn't a fire, cuz safety in that regards was clearly not an issue. I slept in fits and starts. Which isn't good. Because Shari needs her straight sleep or Shari is a cranky girl. One night Athens and then we flew to Vienna. Nadine and I got a mad-cap scheme of renting a car and driving to Prague. Nothing could sway Nadine. She kept having arguments with me about why we should do it, even though I was in total agreement with her. Story of our lives. So, we managed to rent a Ford Focus with Czech plates. First, let's see something in Vienna. Arne's mother had told us to go see Strauss' house. So off we went. Found it on the map, couldn't find it in real life. Asked at an internet place. Arne: Where is the Strauss apartment? Internet guy: I don't even know where Strauss is from... Arne: Ummmm, he lived on this very street. Anyways, after much struggle, we found the apartment. It had the smallest sign possible and after hiking up the old stairs, it was closed. Apparently no one goes there... We took that as a sign and hightailed it out of Austria. The drive from Austria to Prague is lovely. I highly recommend it. I mostly liked it because it was green. It was refreshing after the dry barrenness of Santorini. Arrived in Prague to lots of rain. Went to the train station and booked a room in an apartment. Never ever book with the accomodation people in Prague train station. What a dodgy place. There was a crazy man who was staying there, who went on and on about how it was crap and it should be for free. Yeah, it was crap but he was clearly crazy. Or drunk. Judging by the huge bottle of wine we saw him with later on, probably the latter. The next day we checked into a proper hotel, met up with the Austrian Jeorg and off we went. Saw some castles. Bought some stuff. Prague is called the golden city and it certainly is pretty. The only thing I have to say is, that it's hard to be with people who clearly don't have the same expectations of what they want to see as you. I can get quite bitchy you see. Left this afternoon and took a flight to Heathrow. Then a bus. And now I'm sitting at Gatwick, waiting for my flight home. Home. A year since I've seen it. 2 1/2 years since I lived there. My girls are picking me up at the airport. Even in my sleep deprieved state... I'm a happy girl. S. August 07 Bad Dive Master, BADWell, I was all excited to go diving and what a terrible experience.
I wasn't sure about going. But Arne and Nadine really seemed to want me to go. So I sucked it up and paid the 75 euros. The guys at the dive shop was cool. Tons of personality. Good feelings. This is going to be great!
So we show up yesterday and nothing is organized. The guys leading the dive don't know the fuck what is going on. They load us in the back of a truck with the gear and then proceed to drive like idiots. Fun. The boat was a zodiac and the swells were apparently about 4 metres according to Arne. Let's just drive at full speed through them. Ouch.
Then comes the dive. They guys ask if there are any uncertified divers in the group. I raise my hand. Tell them I'm supposed to be doing a discovery dive. That means that the instructor is with you the whole time to help... because you don't know what the fuck you are doing. I did one in Thailand and it was fantastic. I suit up and roll into the water. But clearly something is wrong because I'm having a hard time turning around. The guys don't seem to care. Clearly I don't know what I'm doing because I had to ask how to inflate my BCD. The one diver who is going with us helps me get underwater and then basically abandons me to the depth. My weight belt wasn't on right. My BCD wasn't on right. I couldn't get off the freakin' bottom of the ocean. At one point I couldn't stop spinning. I thought the person trying to help me was the instructor but no, I realized soon enough that it was Nadine and Arne.
I've never felt so frustrated in my life. After about 20 minutes, and Nadine trying to help right me, I just started surfacing against my will and I completely gave up. I've never out and out given up in my life at anything. The scary thing is, that Arne thought I had gone off the cliff into the abyss and the instructor didn't even seem to care.
Surfaced and felt like absolute shit. Absolutely refused to do the second dive. Thought Arne was going to rip someone's face off. You can tell how mad Arne is by the times he says fuck in a sentence and there were alot of F bombs going off that day.
Coming back on the boat was a painful experience. The ocean was crazy and the driver was stupid. I had to pee the entire way back and let me tell you, bouncing around like that is not good for the bladder. I asked stupid Yanis (the dive master) where the bathroom was and he just gave me such a look and told me there wasn't one. I was pretty pissy by this point so I just went over to the rocks and peed in their wetsuit. Okay. Not the classiest way to get revenge but it was the only way I had available to them. That and crying back at the dive shop. Hate crying in public but what a tramatic experience that wall was.
Basically the manager and the owner were really good, apologized, gave me my and Arne and Nadine's money back and bought us drinks. If I hadn't had such a wonderful experience in Thailand I doubt I would ever go diving again after that experience. I probably will but.... I won't if I have even the slightest doubt about the dive master again. Go with you gut you know....
Today was a better day. Drove around on the scooter. That is a good day for Shari.
Leaving tomorrow. Heading for Prague, although we aren't sure how. Maybe we will drive across Europe. Maybe train. Who knows.... it'll be an adventure for sure though.
Nadine and Arne are asleep already. Good thing I did all my partying before I left Japan, because I'm certainly not getting it here. That's okay though, I probably need the sleep anyways.
S. August 05 European SunsetI am currently sitting on the deck of my hotel on Santorini island (Greece). The sun is setting in the distance and casting a lovely pale hue over everything. Nadine and Arne went to see a unique view of the island but I chose instead to sit here. They talk alot and sometimes all one needs is silence. Plus, watching the sunset with a couple... ummmmm....
The last few days have been great. I finished Amsterdam off by heading for Madam Tussad's wax museum (creepy) and the Van Gogh museum. Basically paid alot of money to look at things but that's ok. The pictures are pretty tame because although I like to make an idiot of myself, I don't push it onto those who take my photos. These creepy Lebonese guys tried to get me to join their international company at the hostel. By international, I think they meant pyramid scheme. All I know is that the video of the conference they showed me, looked a tad like a cult. Just saying.
I then took a flight to Greece. NEVER EVER FLY OLYMPIC! It sucked big time. The flight was delayed and instead of letting us sit in the terminal, they loaded us and made us sit in the smokin' hot plane. Lovely. And then, no vegetarian meal for me. The flight attendant asked me if I was sure I asked... Yes I asked. I asked the lady whom I bought the ticket from and the lady who checked me in. But no... it's clearly my fault. Bah.
Anyways, finally made it to Greece and hot, hot weather. Walked out of the train station and there was my sister and Arne, just hanging out on the corner. I am the queen of good timing.
The Acropolis the next day was packed with tourists and unbelievably hot. I was not as impressed as I expected. Not to say it wasn't fantastic, just... I dunno.... I was expecting to feel more. Got the shot I wanted and that was it. Got yelled at by a lady for climbing on a pillar. Honest, it's not THAT old right? Ooops. Went shopping, ate lots of Greek Salad. Get the hell out of Athens.
Now I am on Santorini Island. Amazing. Amsterdam was flat and Athens was dirty. Santorini is dramatic. We rented scooters and have driven the entire island. Tomorrow we are going diving. I'm feeling more relaxed than I have in months. The food is excellent. We have made friends with a crazy Romanian waiter who apparently likes to throw chairs at rude Italians on mopeds. The lady at the hotel keeps telling us to have "good holiday". I could stay here forever if it wasn't so damn expensive.
S. July 29 Goodbye Japan, Hello EuropeThe last week has been crazy. CRAZY!! I spent the last week in Japan cleaning and drinking. Cleaning cuz I had to and drinking cuz it was the only thing that kept the panic away. Yup, panic. I wasn't aware that I was that attached to Japan but more than likely, I am just attached to the people. Being a hermit was emotionally easier. Goodbyes are never easy. Some were akward, some tearful, some... well... I'm not that attached to everyone! I was totally cool until the girls took me the train station. I should have just marched through that gate but I had to hug them goodbye. The glistening in Cathy's eyes did me in. I had held the tears back but they didn't listen no more. Through the gate and up the escalator. I managed to keep them semi under control until then. But then I looked back and saw them watching me. And then I couldn't see them anymore. That's when the tears started. They lasted all through the wait for the shink and then until Takasaki. I'm sure the woman next to me was impressed to have a crying foreigner beside her. It's good for her. Opens her up to pathetic other cultures. Hung out with Ian that day. It was good because he made me feel better. Had some good conversation, created a doll that looked like me (long story) and then had drinks. Yup. Started drinking at 4 and didn't look back. I was pretty cut by the time I left Ian at 9 and headed for Jon and Maiko's place. Then they MADE me go out and drink until 4:30 in the morning. MADE ME! Yeah, you can all wipe that ya right look off your faces. Planes were alright. I get fed first being a vegetarian and all, so that makes Shari happy. Read the entire Harry Potter book while on layover in Singapore. It was good! Now I'm in Amsterdam. I'm not entirely sure what to make of Amsterdam. It's a cool city, with the smell of pot wafting in the air and tour guides who say the same thing in 4 different languages. I'm suffering pretty badly from Stage 5 culture shock. You know, the one that makes you hate your own culture. Not that I'm dutch but it's transfered. Basically, instead of wanting to smack 50% of the people like I normally do, I want to smack about 85%. Roughly. I didn't do a survey or anything. Went on some tours and basically didn't listen. Got to see the windmills, which is all I basically wanted to see here. My camera... well... I dropped it at my goodbye party and now the display doesn't work. Still takes photos but man, giving it to people to take a photo of you doesn't work so well without the display. Seriously people, what did you do before digital??? Oh yeah!!! USED THE LITTLE VIEW HOLE. But I'm not annoyed or anything. I went for a long walk this morning. Got a little lost but that is par for the course. Was ambling along and then all of a sudden I was face to face with the largest breasted woman I have ever seen. And she was wearing the littlest scraps of fabric over what I can only assume was extremely large nipples. I'm not sure who just wanders into the red light district, but that's what I did. Hi ladies. You can see live shows of guy on girl or girl on girl. Not that that does it for me. The large breasted prostitute ... I'm sure if you got stuck between those, you would never see the light of day again. Trying to book my flight to Greece but it's not going so well. Went to the airport but Olympic Airlines isn't opened on Sunday and KLM wanted 400 euros! OMG! Going to go again tomorrow. Blah. I just want to relax. I want Nadine to do everything for me. So lazy. Miss my sister alot. Just two more days. I'm going to enjoy this trip if it kills me. S. (Crossposted to Facebook) July 22 The ENDThis is my last post from Japan. I will be going offline today and leaving Japan on Friday.
I'm a mixture of sad, excited, apprehensive and numb.
Basically I have spent the last week drinking. It helps ya know.
The office staff have been really nice to me. The office manager and receptionist bought me Lush stuff which was super nice but annoying. Thank you for the presents but I have to pack them now. Yikes. Keiko gave me the loveliest note and handkerchief. She cried. Katagiri-san cried. It's just been mushy, mushy, yuck yuck for the last week.
Saturday was my last day. I went to work and wrote goodbye notes to everyone and their dogs. Cleaned my desk (it's so sad to see it without my personality splashed all over it). Did all the last minute things and then looked at Katagiri-san.
Hai. Dekimashita. I'm finished.
Wait. Wait. Have some cake.
OK, I never say no to cake. Sat and had a nice conversation with her. She doesn't speak much English and I don't speak much Japanese but we have always been able to understand each other. I love her. She's kind of like my Japanese mom. Well, she feeds me. That's like a mom right? I took a drink of my tea, look up and realize she's crying. I'm glad people like me but the crying must stop.
After tea, I was ready to go. But the sales chief comes flying at me crying "WAIT A MOMENT PLEASE". When Japanese people take the time to speak English to you, you really have to wait. Out comes a bouquet of BEAUTIFUL flowers. Tiny roses. Katagiri asks Kamio what the other ones were in English. Sunflowers. Then she turns to me and says "because you are sunny Shari." Damn. I almost lost it there. I was out of that office as soon as I could. I will not cry. I will not.
Saturday night was my party. I started by drinking a whole bottle of amaretto in my apartment. I fully intended on being happy. Yona came a bit later and we went for dinner. I'm glad she came because I was getting drunk in my apartment by myself and I hadn't eaten. BAD.
After dinner we headed for Yoro's. Everyone came. I have been to alot of goodbye parties but this was the best one I've been to. I'm not saying that because it was for me, although that helped. Everyone was happy, drinking, making toasts to SHARI!!!! Ahhh, I have the best friends. I'm going to miss them all so much. I wish I could stay and yet, I'm happy to go. And I was happy that my last party was at Yoro's, home of the 1130 yen all you can drink. I've spent so much time there.
Goodbye parties are the best for the ego.
After drinking alot, we headed for Desperate. There we did some tequila shots. I love tequila.
All of sudden Scott was telling me to go outside to check on Dan. OK. Out I went. Dan was sitting on the stairs just staring at the wall. I plunked myself down next to him and asked if he was OK. He was very, very drunk. He just looked at me and said, "I hate people leaving. But I can't imagine what you are going through right now. I don't think I could handle it."
That was it. The next thing I knew I was weeping on his shoulder. Damn him. I'd been so good for the last few weeks, through all the goodbyes.
Pulled myself together. Went back to drinking. Then Scott puked all over the bar and we kind of got kicked out of Desperate. Oh well. I wrote on the wall, so everyone can remember me. (Don't worry, we are allowed to do that). Then we went and got gioza and ate it on the sidewalk. Classy. Then we headed for Lawsons and Aaron bought Scotch. I had one swig and felt good. Had another and had to take a time out. Blech.
After that, Dan took me home and just like that, my perfect party was over. And it was perfect (except for maybe the puking bit). Better than I could have even imagined. The perfect wrap up to my time in Japan.
Yesterday Laura and I cleaned my place. Everything is just about gone. Sent home packages (160 bucks worth). Took sticker photos with Laura. She got all weepy on me at the train station. Now I'm sitting in my almost empty apartment writing my last blog post from Japan. I'm sad. But I won't dwell on it. I'm onto my next experience and that is good. That is growth.
Guess I'll have to change the name of this blog. I won't be in the land of the rising sun anymore. Maybe I'll just call it A Canadian Girl. A Canadian Girl in this crazy, crazy world.
Best two and a half years of my life. Thank you Japan. I'm so glad I came...
S. July 18 I'm having a hard time.I admit it. With one week to go, I'm having a hard time reconciling myself to the fact that I'm leaving Japan.
I've been thinking about it for so long. I really wanted to leave. I was done. But, now... when faced with the actuality of it all. *sigh* It doesn't help that my friends have all of a sudden kicked up the let's hang out aspect into full gear. I want to leave Japan but can I just wrap them all up and take them with me.
I've been out almost every night in the last 2 weeks. Drinking, or just chatting with people. And it has been great. But that is what is making it so hard.
On an another note, I've actually packed quite abit. Going to take one box to the post office today and mail that puppy off. I am committed to another purge of my personal stuff and have already gotten rid of a whole bag of clothing. Cleansing.
I don't have much to say lately. Just three more days of work. I'm sick of the thank you for your hard work speeches. My party is booked for Saturday. I'm going to get smokin' drunk and go out with a bang. No fading quietly into that good night for this girlie.
S. July 15 Good MorningI was out late last night drinking and singing karaoke. Came home, went to bed knowing I had a tough day today. Last day with my kids. The only kids I teach.
Then this morning, I was awakened by it. The earthquake. Shakety shake shake. Everything fell over in my kitchen. I sat there, wondering if I should go outside. But I'm a Canadian from the west coast and have been trained from childhood to deal with "the big one" that is going to hit. I knew that the best thing was just to stay in bed.
The room shook. Stopped. Shook again. Stopped. Again. Actually, I've been having small aftershocks for about an hour now. During one of them, head office called. News about earthquakes moves fast in this country. They wanted to know about classes for today. Seriously. I can't think straight when I'm hungover and the room is shaking. I'm on the 8th floor, so I was shaking more than most.
Eventually things calmed down. Then my phone went crazy. People wanting to know if I was okay and what the hell was happening.
I'm fine. But the epicenter was in Kashiwazaki, where my school is. And each and every train line in Niigata is down. We are right on the ocean. Tsunami alert and all that. So head office just cancelled my classes. Which normally would make me super happy. But this was going to be the last time I saw these kids.
So sad.
Probably going to clean up the broken shit in my kitchen now.
S.
July 13 The Countdown BeginsFor the last year and a half this blog has been about my life in Japan. The bizarre and wonderful place that I call home. But now this blog has shifted. I'm leaving and this is a hard thing to deal with. I'm filled with fear and excitedness. Exactly the same feelings I had 2 and a half years ago when I left Canada for Japan. Excited to be doing something new but scared. Possibility always breeds fear neh?
So, now I'm doing the rounds. The goodbye thing. And it's getting harder and harder.
On Wednesday we had the big combined meeting. That was fine. I'm a CM pro now if I don't say so myself. Then came the end and it was time to do my goodbye speech to the JT's. Harsh. I'm not a crier but seeing Keiko (my boss) crying out of the corner of my eye was harsh. Luckily, Aaron is leaving too. I dragged him up and made him go first. If there was ever anyone who can cut the tension it's Aaron. Made my speech easier. I love the Japanese teachers. They have made my job a joy. They are the fun. I'm going to miss them.
After that we went out for the goodbye dinner. That was fun. I got kind of drunk and had the best time. Took loads of stupid pictures and basically made everyone tell me not to go home because I'm fun. Good for the ego ya know. I've never had so much fun at a goodbye party but then again, usually I was somewhat upset that the person was leaving. When it is yourself, hell... you just enjoy yourself.
Today I was in Nagoya for my last supervisor meeting. That was harder than I thought. I have only worked with these supervisors and my performance manager for 5 months, as I had to change districts in Feb. But, I almost started crying in the meeting. They have been so supportive and re-energized me when I seriously needed it. Lovely people.
Next up... saying goodbye to my teachers and then saying goodbye to my crew. It just keeps getting harder and harder. I maybe be in denial as I haven't started to pack yet.
It's a good thing my best friend called me the other day and made remember how much I miss him. Otherwise I might have called head office to stay. But I miss Jason. I miss my dad, my mom, my sister, my girls. I need to go home. It's too bad I have to leave the best job I've ever had to do it. C'est la vie.
Just need to keep telling myself that. It'll make the goodbyes easier.
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